Maybe Then
by 88silverkeys
Summary: REPOSTED & EDITED: Spoilers up to 4x02 Escaped. Upon returning from Mexico, Gibbs faces a bitter confrontation with DiNozzo on what they've hidden and what they deserve. SLASH ish oneshot


**Alright, I watched the episodes"****Escaped" and "Singled Out" again and have become increasingly irked by the undeserving welcome Gibbs received from everyone. He never was held accountable for his actions and Tony deserved better than to be shoved aside and I've learned that I am far too involved in fictional characters for my own good. So I'm venting in an angsty but assuredly healthy manner. **

_**Edit: REVIEW please. I really took the advice of the reviews—I tried to change what was OOC and better explain parts I thought it was justified. I suppose post, review, repost is one way to get a beta! Thank you for all the critiques, let me know if I made it any better.**_

When Tony, Ziva, and McGee came into work to find Gibbs had returned, Tim had smiled. He was so happy; he showed those stupid over-whitened teeth. How the _hell_ could he be happy about this? Agent Lee was kicked out, Tim lost position as second in command, and had to reset up his stupid specially wired desk. But he was happy that Gibbs was back.

Tony didn't get it. He felt numb, empty. Suddenly something he had thought about and wanted for months was happening—Gibbs had returned—and all he wanted to do was punch Gibbs and throw up. This wasn't joyous, it was an odd play by Gibbs to try and put the team back together his way after taking a little trip. He'd abandoned the team in favor of a mojito and a tan, and then wanted back in?

Tony sat down at his desk, pulling a box towards him to empty into his old desk. Ziva kept glancing over at Gibbs from her station, pretending to straighten supplies on her desk. At least she had the decency to look suspicious and a little confused. McGeek was still grinning like a moron, practically _bouncing_ as he moved his things around.

Pushing away the sickened feeling in his gut, Tony settled into his work station and started praying for a case. Something big, something seriously interesting to make him forget everything. He had wanted Gibbs back for awhile, in part to help him lead a team that didn't want to follow Tony and in part to see him. He'd missed the marine's face, the silver hair, that little smirk when Tony did something stupid.

But now, Tony had control of the team and had found a master gunnery sergeant with similar romantic interests and need for privacy. He didn't want to see Gibbs again. Didn't want that beautiful bastard anywhere near his cases. How could he hate someone he loved? Because that really was what this had become: love. He'd fallen for his boss, maybe it was some serious daddy issues, but it was there.

And now the man he loved was back and Tony didn't want anything to do with him. Tony especially hoped that Gibbs hadn't recovered any memories of their relationship prior to the amnesia episode. Hoped he'd forgotten that after Gibbs had arranged for the El Salvadoran gang members to take out one of their own, he'd stopped Tony in the parking lot.

Tony had been giving McGee a hard time about possibly being gay and Gibbs had a few words on the subject. Tony recalled with painful clarity when Gibbs pushed him against his own car and leaned in close with an intimidating whisper.

"I don't give a damn what twisted rationales you have for hate, but let me make this clear: we follow 'don't ask, don't tell'. You leave McGee alone and just keep your head down because it isn't your business. Have a little respect, DiNozzo."

Tony stood frozen as Gibbs gave him an once-over, but finally managed to find words for his defense. "I do have respect, boss. I know this, I'm not homophobic."

"Ya got a funny way of showing it, DiNozzo." Gibbs started to turn away.

"Hey, I'm one of them. Dammit, you know I just like to joke about this stuff." Tony spat out, tired of hiding his sexual interest and ready to prove to Gibbs that he wasn't some macho goof that picked on the team. Of course, in his interest to speak up for himself, Tony sort of ended up out of the closet. Shit.

Gibbs actually looked surprised. His eyes widened slightly and his jaw clenched. And then he spoke, "I didn't ask, DiNozzo. No need to tell me some cockamamie story, just leave off McGee."

And Gibbs turned away which just pissed Tony off. He grabbed his boss by the arm and when Gibbs' back hit the car Tony kissed him. It wasn't romantic, it wasn't passionate—it was short and hard. Tony scarcely believed he'd done it; Gibbs' face showed no reaction but Tony seriously hoped there was a hurricane of emotion in Gibbs like he had in himself.

"I know what I'm doing, with 'don't ask, don't tell', okay? Don't tell me how to interact with _myself_, boss. Just don't…don't say anything¸ please." The last words were almost a whine, a plead. Tony wished he hadn't opened this can of worms. He turned away and it was all blur until he had the beer and the couch back at the apartment.

But now, Tony felt like he had moved on to a real guy that didn't come with strings of working together and, you know, being straight. And Gibbs has come back just thinking he could run into their lives and take over, which of course he can, because everyone loves him. Which really is the problem for DiNozzo.

So there wasn't exactly a real case that day, just a manhunt to help out another team that was short and only needed McGee to help with the technical aspects and DiNozzo to help man the phones. It was slow and boring and Gibbs was just sitting at that desk like he belonged there.

With a headache that rivaled hell on earth, DiNozzo made his way to the garage and to his car. He'd already heated up some pizza and had whiskey in hand after a relaxing shower, so he certainly wasn't in the mood for visitors. But there was a knocking at the door. And lo and behold, Leroy Jethro Gibbs was on the other side.

"Gibb—boss. What are you doing here?" Tony automatically moved to the side, hating himself for it.

Gibbs stalked past him and spun around to face Tony. "You trying to get my attention? Trying to tick me off, DiNozzo?" Gibbs held up several packets of condoms. "Do I even need to tell you what else you left me?"

Those condoms were in the bottom drawer of his old, now Gibbs', desk. In a cardboard box with a small bottle of lubricant and—Tony's stomach dropped—a note that said, _"I'll give you a dressing down, soldier."_

"That—that wasn't me. And that wasn't for you." Tony was surprised he found his voice. This was not good, the complete opposite of good.

"Really, DiNozzo? Because I've got to say, this reeks of you. Playing games with the boss' mind—"

"Hey!" Tony shouted, not realizing how angry he was and how much he wanted to punch Gibbs. "Don't you _dare_ come into my home and tell me anything about being the boss. You run off to Mexico for a goddamn midlife crisis, leave the team without a _word_, and waltz back in when you feel like it with, with some shitty mustache. You aren't the boss, you can't be my boss. You are irresponsible with this team, inconsiderate to me, and you can go to hell, Gibbs."

BAM. Tony felt his head spinning and a terrible throb in his lip. He reached up and felt the blood, only just realizing he'd fell against the back of the couch. Gibbs' put his forearm against Tony's throat and when he spoke it was so hoarse and so hushed, it seemed Gibbs was the one not getting enough oxygen to breathe.

"You need to get your head on straight, DiNozzo. I don't remember everything from before the explosion but I am damn sure our relationship never let you mock my service to the country. 'Dressing down'? 'Soldier'? You think that's funny? I don't care what we've done outside of work—you leave the military out of our sex life!"

Tony starred, and the complete shock and confusion on his face must have stopped Gibbs. They both stood, breathing heavy with a safe distance between them. Tony ran his hand across the bloody lip, which was beginning to clot.

"Gibbs…what sex life do you think we have?" Tony asked slowly, because suddenly the bloody lip didn't matter: Gibbs' didn't just have gaps in his memories, he had false ones.

Gibbs looked confused and gestured. "Damn, DiNozzo. I don't know what you call it. The memories started coming back in Mexico. You…you kissing me in the garage on the Navy Yard, my—I don't know, my _feelings_ for you. Watching you at work, flirting at work, you naked—why the hell are you still giving me a blank stare, DiNozzo?"

Tony bit his lip. His boss thought they were together? How was he supposed to explain that, while they weren't together, that was exactly what he wanted? Maybe he shouldn't, maybe he should agree and live happily ever after together. But he had Christopher, strong but subtle, and generally perfect for Tony and his closet. Plus, the guy was Marine—in the best shape and satisfying his little Gibbs fascination. Suddenly, it was all unfair and twisted. How long had he wanted Gibbs to want him, to have those feelings for him? And now he comes back to turn their team upside down? And just happens to think he and Tony have had _sex_!?! The complicated and all-consuming love that DiNozzo had for his boss, and he would always be the boss, came flooding back.

"Gibbs…we, we haven't had sex. We aren't dating. Never have." And Gibbs starred back with all the expected disbelief and stubbornness.

"Really, no kiss?" His tone was harsh and skeptical.

"Well, I did. Once, I kissed you." The memory was humiliating and painful; Tony struggled against the lump in his throat. "You told me I was homophobic, I kissed you and confessed I was gay...And you didn't believe me."

"And, and the note? The condoms, DiNozzo?" Gibbs never stuttered, this was uncomfortably out of character.

Tony could feel tears in the corners of his eyes. Was this absolutely necessary, did this have to be happening to him? "I left that stuff there, by mistake. I'm sorry you had to see that."

"Bull, you said 'soldier'. I'm a Marine!" Gibbs shouted.

"Yeah, and so is my boyfriend!" There followed an awful silence, the two just starring at each other. Tony spoke first, exhausted. His mocks were half-hearted. "Jesus Christ, Gibbs. You want to know all of it? Fine, you'll get your way because you are the boss after all. No social agreements of civility and respect can get in your way. My boyfriend is in the Marines, met awhile back at a navy bar. The box was from him, just a little secret…thing. Keeping it under wraps at work is stressful; he gets it, the little things just knowing we have each other during the day. It is stupid and immature, but it was a really nice to have that. And no, you and I never dated. God, did I want to. But nope, you've always been a ladies' man. I don't know where these supposed feelings come from, but they aren't typical Gibbs. So let it go, I'll forget it all. Just, let's go to work tomorrow completely normal, okay? Forget everything, clean slate and all that."

"Right. What about you being naked?"

Tony wasn't sure if he should laugh or blush. Or both. This was surreal and a little unwelcome. It wasn't fair this was coming to light now, he had someone. "Showers at work, boss."

"What about at my place? In my bed?! Care to explain?" Gibbs was frustrated, and obviously avoiding a rather rational conclusion from this particular piece of information.

"…Maybe that was in your head, Gibbs. A dream, or something." Another awkward silence and Tony knew he was right, for better or worse.

"Right. So, there's nothing." Gibbs glanced down at the condoms he'd dropped on the floor to punch DiNozzo. He slowly picked the condoms up and held them out to DiNozzo. "These would be yours then."

Tony hesitantly took them from his boss. "Thanks."

"So, I was completely off mark."

Tony gave a small smile. "Apparently the famous gut reacts badly to explosion-related amnesia. Don't worry about it."

"Yeah, yeah, I guess that's it, DiNozzo. Didn't mean to ruin your evening."

"Nah, we don't have plans tonight." Tony answered without thinking that it might hurt Gibbs to hear about his relationship with another man.

"Ah, yeah. Forgot there was a steady someone to have plans with, congrats for that Tony. Just don't get married."

"It's illegal." Tony answered quietly, knowing that wasn't Gibbs' point, but feeling the need to explain it all the same.

"So, it…it's serious?"

"Kind of."

"But you can see how I didn't believe you, about being gay?"

"I suppose I hid it well enough, boss. So, yeah."

"But you wish I'd seen it. Responded to it?"

The comment gave Tony some pause. "Oh yeah, I guess I did mention that in my rant. How cliché romantic comedy of me to admit that in the heat of the moment, that's a shame. I was really going for gritty struggle of authority in a morally ambiguous world with just a dash of cynical humor kind of genre—"

"Guess I missed an opportunity."

"…with me?"

"No, DiNozzo, with Princess Diana. Yes, you."

"Oh, didn't see that as something you'd wanted."

"Doesn't matter now, DiNozzo."

"Um, sorry." Tony absently pushed his toe against the carpet. He didn't even know why he said sorry to Gibbs anymore, the man didn't exactly deserve it.

"Don't apologize."

"Ah, right. Sorr—I mean, won't happen again." Continued silence. "So, maybe next window of opportunity will be mutual, actually happen." Tony felt a little guilty, but he wasn't dropping Chris—not for his boss with commitment issues and no prior interest.

"Nah, DiNozzo. I think this was enough."

"Really? No next time?"

"You planning on ending your current relationship?"

"Well, not now. But boss, come on, knowing me it isn't going to be long before…"

"Ah, stop it. You'll be good with this one."

"If not?"

"Not my problem, I'm not your matchmaker, DiNozzo." How on earth was Gibbs so cold, so short about this?

"No, you just hope you'll be the match." Tony wanted to push him.

"DiNozzo, why the hell are you chasing me here?"

Tony shrugged, "just showing you how it's done."

"We're done here."

"Yup, sure. Poof! All gone, disappeared. Of course, as long as it's easy."

Gibbs turned and started walking away. Tony grabbed his arm, reminiscent of their kiss in the garage.

"What if I was available? What if you'd come here and we had a relationship to resume? You'd let me fall into your arms like some blind idiot, but God forbid you have to work at it? You have to say words, and show emotions and give a damn to get someone, Gibbs—no wonder you have no one left. If only Jen had made you go through NCIS tests again—because that's too much work—you wouldn't be here!"

And Gibbs moved fast, pulling DiNozzo close with a hand secured around his waist. "But you're glad I'm here, aren't you? Tony." He whispered as he pulled Tony closer and kissed him. It was more passion than the last, more heat. And when they finally parted it was hard to say who was more shocked by what they'd just done.

"Second B for bastard." Tony muttered, pulling away. He was still in love, he knew it. That was going to stay for awhile.

"Well, maybe the _second_ time's the charm too." Gibbs smirked and Tony felt sick.

"Gibbs, I'm…committed."

"I know that, DiNozzo. I mean, next time—second time—I 'say words and show emotions'." Another sardonic smirk. "Maybe then."

Tony smiled bitterly and felt the world spin a little. "Yeah, maybe then."

_**Edit: Review, tell me if a sequel is still worth it.**_


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